Seeking Spirituality For The Gender Gifted

October 28, 2002 ~  It was a beautiful fall weekend in Colorado.  Crisp in the morning followed by a warm sunny afternoon. With our son away at a church retreat, Janice and I allowed the “female within” out for the weekend.  From Friday morning until Sunday after church, I went about my business looking fabulous!  (Well at least as good as I can.)

I have been looking at a part-time position that would allow me to work as Rachel.  I was very close to working for Ann Taylor in Park Meadows Mall, but my flexibility in hours at the time proved to be the killer.  Until something develops with them or another Ann Taylor location, I decided on Friday to go to Cherry Creek Mall and see if there where any ‘Help Wanted’ ads in the windows of an apparel store that felt right to me.  I did find one that might be a fit, Cache'.  After visiting with the manager, I left a letter I crafted for her to review and then share with her regional manger (click here if you would like to read it).  We will see where it goes, but I think the local manager was ready to give it a try as she had not ‘read’ me until I talked to her about being TG.  Talk about nervous.  I almost felt as if it were my first time in public again.  I’ll write more about the process I have been through later if anyone cares to know more (which name to use, resume, references, etc.).  I have been all through the interview process at Ann Taylor and that was quite a trip.

I picked Janice up from work and she was feeling very tired, so we opted to come home Friday for a quiet evening.  The next morning, I had to get up early to run our dogs.  Dressed in pants, a heavy coat to cover my enlarged chest, a hat and gloves (cover those nails), I traipsed off with the mutts with no make-up.  Getting ready for the day (both on Saturday and Sunday) was a bit crowded for us both but at least for me was worth it and even fun.

 After dropping Janice off at , I went back to North Cherry Creek to check out the boutiques in the area and see if they might have any postings.  Even though I did not find anything, it was a beautiful day for strolling 3^rd Avenue.  I picked Janice up and we went to a movie (Sweet Home Alabama).  Afterward we decided not to go to the restaurant we had planned to as the manager knows us too well and did want to “out” myself to someone who tells us things she probably should not.  Janice was very uncomfortable because although I would not be recognized by myself, she would be a sitting duck.  So we bought a bottle of wine, got home, lit candles, turned on a little jazz, slipped into our finest nightwear, and yakked for hours.  It was wonderful!

Sunday morning I had planned to go to a gay church in Denver that I have attended a few times before Metropolitan Community Church of the Rockies.  Janice asked (much to my surprise) if I had thought about going to our church.  It surprised me, but I must admit the thought had crossed my mind.  So I decided I would do just that.  We have a fairly high profile, so I hoped to lay low and blend in.  Over the past few years while out and about, I have run into people we know without being recognized and since Janice was not going to be there, I thought I would be fine.  Our church is 'open and affirming' meaning it is very accepting of the gay, lesbian, bi, transgender community, but neither Janice nor I am ready to be outed at this time if ever.  There were a few moments that could have proved awkward, but after two days of 24/7 Rachel, my attitude and confidence carried me through.

After I left the church, I found a quiet area in a parking lot to go through my transformation back to my male self.  As I pulled down the visor mirror and looked at the image staring back at me I could not help but be taken with how good I looked this last day.  I finished the task at hand and then drove to were Janice works and hunted her up.  She said, "Look at you!  I was expecting Rachel to come by today."  I told her it was time for her to see the other half today and thanked her for her loving gift to me these past few days.

Janice has struggled with this aspect of our lives, but she has grown.  She demanded that I accept myself and as I did, she has done the same… even though it can still be painful.  I love the gift she gave me this weekend and hope that my love for her continues to carry her through our life together.

Rachel L. Anderson